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Monday, August 31st, 2009
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I joined the black the black brown witch boot club
although i guess they are not club no more
ASHHHHHHELY
>:]
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Monday, August 17th, 2009
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WHY WONT THE DOG DOWN THE ROAD EVER STOP FUCKING BARKING
I AM ITCHY AND HOT AND AM THINKING OF ITS DEATH
I HAVENT SMOKED WEED IN 2 WEEKS
FUCKING MARTYR
I ALSO PUT MY NIPPLE LONG HAIR IN A BALL FOR 2 WEEKS
I ALMOST HAD DREADS
DO YOU WANT TO SWIM IN THE COLUMBIA SWAMP TOMORROW
PERHAPS SOME BEARDED FAT DUDE WILL GIVE ME BLACK VELEVET AGAIN
AND TALK ABOUT GIRLFRIENDS BEING DOGS THAT OCCASIONALLY YOU HAVE TO LET OUT IN THE FOREST
.........................................
AND THEY WILL FIND THEIR WAY BACK
...............................................
I AM ONLY TYPING IN ETERNAL CAPS BECAUSE I HATE EVERYBODY AND HAD TOO MUCH LIQUID CRACK
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| Subject: | 211 |
| Time: | 6:36 pm. |
| Mood: | oneshotofabsithetomydome. | | Music: | heavy hills. |
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Live journal entry of how trashy i am, formatted in 15 year old rachel internet writing style
PLUS
-naked
MINUS
-naked with a shirt on
PLUS
-punching a head until knuckles open
MINUS
-punching a head until knuckles open whilst naked with a shirt on
PLUS
being bitten
MINUS
being bitten until skin is broken and you have bruises of teeth marks
well what this pretty much sums up is i am now so trailer that I am ready for Jerry Springer.
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Saturday, April 25th, 2009
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Undergarments (aesthetically planned that is), greg in a charles bronson belly shirt (he also took my hair from the trash and wore it as a toupee. if only he knew the trash can was filled with bloody residue from my uterine lining), dancing, girls only, tears, laughing, singing really loud and out of tune , ashely opera goddess, i touched both krissy and tasha's bare breasts at the same time (I have never felt a large breast before let alone 2), fetishes, harry took off his sweatpants , muchas gracias, bubble bath, trevor legitimately drunk. ALIVE!
but today...
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Wednesday, April 1st, 2009
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I read this aloud until it was wasn't even sad anymore. I feel better.
I think I know what it feels like to die repetitively. For some reason I kept reaching for that feeling over and over and over- to feel the supersonic sounds surround my body in limbo- laughing and embracing the eternal nothingness.... and then came the distinct fear. My primorodial instinct finally overpowered the end of my being- just open your mouth and breath, you stupid fucking idiot. The aural sounds finally began to leak away from the isolated space, slipping out into the wet cold from the crack beneath the door. I looked up to the television- thankfully alive, an SUV was driving up the mountainside and in a very annoying elongated melody some man sang, welcome to planet earth, welcome to existence. Even after my first death I repeated this behavior for 3 hours- maybe I wanted to die. Or maybe my existence feels so bleak and meaningless that as my heart races and my breath begins to slow I experience an unearthly climax of learning to love the absolute nothingness. The greatest of all human orgasms stimulated by the loss of my ego, the loss of needing to know why I am in this world, the loss of feeling shitty and hopeful and that it will work itself out. I ran myself a bath fearful that I would never feel alive. The bathroom was hot and sticky yet when my skin touched the searing water it felt quite cold. I sat in the tub until the water was completely drained. I watched comedy central, I listened to music, I smoked some gross cigarette I found on the counter, I wrapped myself in a blanket. Slowly I fell asleep. When I awoke I analyzed it all and understood nothing but my own self hatred. The words that song or jingle or whatever would not leave my thoughts.Welcome to existence....as in our own realities mean nothing because there is no life, no death, nor anything but our own consciousness so why does it matter? Or welcome to existence- THERE IS SOMETHING MORE? People are always searching for something or someone to make it all more fucking bearable.
I don't believe in hope. I don't believe in my own happiness. I am crying so hard convulsing and scratching at my red puffy face. Grabbing my forehead and pounding and feeling the pain is so fucking great. My mother, where is she? I imagine myself growing in her warm womb and entering this world prematurely. I imagine how happy my parents were and all the great things they envisioned for my life. My mom is probably surrounded by tropical birds, alone while my father is away, high on vicodin. I wish we were alone together and she would hold me and I would tell her everything ever, I would feel so good knowing that I will always be loved despite all my disappointments.
No longer can I handle this perpetual self torture. No longer do I want to give into the easy feeling of routine monotony and emptiness. No longer do I want to avoid the things I love to recurrently make myself feel like shit because I am selfish and lazy and weak and don't care. I feel like Winston, I feel like something out of Dr. Strangelove, I feel this stupid thought lingering on the tip of my pencil that I am very reluctant to write. Welcome to earth, welcome to existence- there is something more...just for the sake of normalcy and my own fucking sanity.
I am glad I am not dead, not brain dead, I am glad that I ache to read and write and create once again.
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empty pathetic embarrased
what the fuck has been happening for the past couple of hours
I don't know how to interpret it all
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Wednesday, March 25th, 2009
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so theres the the 60's psy brit wearing loincloths and anks and tribal jewelery, new age pagan lyrics, tribal mysticism, and the dude who studies apache ancestry, flutes and bells, ooh baby ooh baby
TOTAL FRUITCAKE|DONT CARE
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Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
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| Time: | 4:54 pm. |
| Music: | society of friends. |
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i never go on this but i didnt go to school today and i have nothing to do right now. so.
things that you should do this week: go to the holy mountain tonight (i cant)
go to i object tommorrow
go to the bday potluck friday
go to the square on saturday and sleep for the invisble children.
bring me an exacto knife
bring me bags and bags of money for sound and fury and sink with cali
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Saturday, February 11th, 2006
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| Subject: | i am an idiot |
| Time: | 8:01 pm. |
| Mood: | being a dumbie. | | Music: | encyclopedia of american traitors: discography. |
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I WANT SOMEONE AT BAY. REAL BAD.
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Saturday, January 21st, 2006
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im making a zine for school on the wto and the impact of free trade on natural resources, human and labor rights, and "democracy".
hit me up if you want one.
so i had the most terrible week ever and it consisits of breakups, moveons, switching schools, failing at numbers, failing at friends, failing at home. i feel okay though. im over this fucking week and im over the next. when its all done and over with i will be fantastic and things will be weird but ill adjust. but its still in the back of my head that one of my best friends is moving to tacoma ...
i dont know.
emma goldman is my hero.
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Sunday, December 11th, 2005
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plusses:
R KELLYS URBAN OPERA
tiga giving us free cds
tony giving us free clothes
the tiki house in bremerton!!
stop at nothing and sidetracked (another free thing)
hot pants with the star of david
the constant circle pits
7 seconds cover
nice people
42 dollar bill at sharis....which we walked out on
minuses:
freezing tundra weather
going to a band practice ...borrrring
seth having to run from the cops
not going to the ruins (an abandoned insane asylum were juggalos have meetings) because it was too feezing
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Sunday, December 4th, 2005
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when krissy was in fourth grade, she was waiting for her mom to pick her up and two mexican men in a car threw firecrackers at her and drove off. and she was so embarrassed and ashamed...
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.
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Sunday, October 30th, 2005
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funniest fucking thing ever.
http://gorillamask.net/petarat.shtml
WATCH IT.
haunted houses tonight!!!!
halloween tomorrow!!
i think im going to be a white trash zombie.
WHAT IS EVERYONE DOING ON HALLOWEEN!?
hey i did my katastrephein stencil on the church by my house.
katastrephein means to overturn.
the T's are crucifix's. one is upside down.
raaaarrr deicideeeee!dsfhjkolowllolololololol
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Saturday, October 15th, 2005
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recap.
so last weekend greyskull and owen hart were awesome.
trial was the most amazing night of my life.
you can't even describe it in words to anyone who wasn't there.
it really really irritates me that people who are into to anarcho punk....and people who care about issues like animal/earth/ humyn liberation, social change ETC ETC ETC. don't listen to bands like trial, when they are equally amazing and influential. even more so to me.
maybe because they are straight edge.
but its true.... how can you care and aim to make a difference with a nihilistic and drugged out mind?
blah after seeing lots of drunk people last night. it made me glad to be over that.
anywaysss against me was good!!!
the crowd was i dont know, selfish though.
but we got some voodoo donuts .
than crashed.
now i am anti social and in love with bac os.
LISTEN TO SEVEN GENRATIONS. THEY ARE COMING LATER THIS MONTH!
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Thursday, September 29th, 2005
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| Time: | 12:08 am. |
| Mood: |  YES. | | Music: | saetia: the poet you never were. |
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today is quite an amazing day.
lets see, trial is affirmative. being a pessimist makes things so much better when they actually happen.
the show (or what we saw of it) was fun.
a band did a limp wrist cover....i love hardcore boys....
YES!
tragedy was wild.
no caustic christ. but who cares, im fucking happy.
and with that said i guess ill go to bed now.
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Monday, September 26th, 2005
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| Time: | 7:03 pm. |
| Mood: |  bored. | | Music: | Ignite: where they talk. |
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i wish i was one of those supersweet 16 girls.
except a nice one.
and on my birthday i would host the biggest reunion show ever. of all the bands i never got to see.
and than i could die and not even care.
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Thursday, September 22nd, 2005
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set alarm clock
go to sleep
walk,eat,daydream,hate,listen,waste.
set alarm clock
go to sleep.
walk,eat,daydream,hate,listen,waste.
set alarm clock
go to fucking sleep.
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Tuesday, August 30th, 2005
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style wars was amazing.
everyone should watch it.
its on graffiti in .... 1984ish.
the mentality of these kids reminded me of all the youth crew bands,
but just in a different subculture.
i don't know it was just really good.
but further this documentary shows how everything is ruined by time and authority. PuNX!
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Monday, August 29th, 2005
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slicklipstick's journal
sayanna.
blah.
okay.
energetic.